


i walked with you once upon a dream

by aquaexplicit



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dreams, M/M, Not Getting Together, Wells Family Feels, meta of the week, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 20:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12565092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquaexplicit/pseuds/aquaexplicit
Summary: A meta is trapping people in dreams. Harry tries to rescue Cisco, but it's Harry who needs saving.





	i walked with you once upon a dream

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon compliant. Cynthia is only briefly mentioned but Cynco is established. You can read this as unrequited Harrisco or simply bad timing Harry why didn't you speak up Harrisco.

Harry is in his own bed. He blinks past too white sunlight, sitting up with no crack in his bones or echoing aches. He doesn’t remember coming back to his Earth. He smells bacon.

He presses his feet to the floor. There was a meta - Dreamcatcher, Ramon named him Dreamcatcher. He was trapping people in dreams and he had gotten to Cisco, got a hand around his shoulder, and Barry had been fast enough to catch Cisco before his head hit the ground but not fast enough to save him.

“Dad!” That’s Jesse’s voice. When did she come home? When did he?

Harry slips into his houseshoes. He walks downstairs and remembers the device he and Cisco had been working on to transfer into people’s dreams, to wake Dreamcatcher’s victims up before they were trapped. They hadn’t finished it but when Cisco had fallen, Harry had torn out his earpiece and jumped into the gear. Iris had tried to stop him. Caitlin held her back.

The scent of bacon and coffee is warm when Harry steps into the kitchen. Jesse is sitting at a small table nestled near a window, drinking chocolate milk with a plate of pancakes in front of her. She’s younger - her hair is long, past her collar, and she hasn’t let it grow out that much since she was fifteen. Cisco is sitting next to her. He’s laughing.

“Morning, dad,” Jesse says brightly. “Can I drive on the way to school this morning?”

“No morning driving,” Harry says automatically. That was their rule when he was teaching her. He was never awake enough before 8:00 AM to give her good direction or care if she hit a pedestrian.

“Told you.” Cisco gulps from a Star Labs mug. Jesse pouts. Cisco caves instantly, the way Harry always does. “If you really want to practice, I’ll take you.”

Jesse gives him a happy half hug before diving back into her pancakes. Cisco watches her, all softness, before glancing back to Harry. The softness slips away.

“Harry. Would you be a darling and get me a glass of orange juice?”

Harry slip slides over darling. Over the sweet tone of Cisco’s voice, the one Harry has never had directed at himself. He sputters.

“Ramon. You - do you know what’s going on?”

“Oh. I know exactly what’s going on.” Cisco stands and moves to him, eyebrows raised, bottom lip stretched under his teeth. Harry fights a slick urge to meet him step for step. He stands his ground even when Cisco stands a few breaths away. Then Cisco pokes his chest. “You put the orange juice back in the fridge even though it was empty.”

Harry frowns. “What?”

“Don’t look so confused, Harrison. I know you’re the one who did it because you’re the only one who does it. Jesse and I are civilized, decent human beings who know to throw the orange juice carton away and make a note on the Stuff We Need board. All I wanted this morning was to make my family a nice, hearty breakfast then enjoy a delicious glass of Vitamin C goodness. And did I get it?”

“No,” Jesse says, shaking her head.

Cisco nods. “No. I did not. So you owe me a Super Sized Orange juice. And a breakfast sandwich. And - ”

“Ramon,” Harry snaps, trying to stop the tumbling mess of whatever he’s just walked into. They don’t have time for this. He needs Ramon to realize. To wake up. “You’re not listening.”

“Excuse me? You’re not listening.”

“No. There was a meta. Don’t you remember? He trapped - ”

“A meta? Like metahuman? Like from Jesse's comics?” Cisco and Jesse exchange glances. “Okay, that's a new one. An imaginary meta who drinks the orange juice and puts the empty carton back in the fridge.”

“We could call them The Juicer,” Jesse suggests.

Cisco points a finger at her. “Don’t be cute. I’m trying to be mad at your father.”

“I love how when you’re mad at him he’s my father and when he’s being good…” Jesse frowns. “Huh. I guess he’s never been good.”

“Both of you,” Harry starts. Stops himself from screaming. He grounds himself in Cisco’s shoulders, holding Cisco tighter than normal. Cisco doesn’t seem to notice. “You’re not listening to me. This isn’t - ”

Then there’s a finger pushing at his lips. Harry goes cross-eyed looking at it and feels his insides twist. Cisco’s skin is warm. Sticky with syrup. Harry tries to move away and can’t.

“Uh-uh, Harry. I’m taking Jesse to school and when I get to the labs, I better have orange juice and a sausage biscuit on my desk.”

Harry is going to shove Cisco away. The strength is coming back to his bones and he’s going to push, going to speak some sense into Cisco, but before he can breathe again Cisco rocks onto his tiptoes and presses a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek.

“Ew,” Jesse jeers from the table. She’s smiling.

“Come on, Quick.”

Jesse grabs her bag and gives him a kiss too, on the opposite cheek, whispering a quick love you, dad before she runs after Cisco to the car.

-

Star Labs is running seamlessly when Harry arrives. He’s greeted and when he heads to where his office should be, it’s there, his name on the door. Cisco’s happy place doesn’t involve Harry working for him, apparently.

But it does involve kissing him good morning. Bitching at him for forgetting to throw away the orange juice - which has only happened once in real life, since Harry has been staying with him to build a life on Earth 1. It does involve being married to him.

There were pictures lining the walls of his house. One in black and white on Harry’s side of the bed table, both of them in suits, Jesse smiling between them. A silver band was in front of it.

Harry is surprised, of course. Shocked because if he imagined Cisco imagining him in his life it wouldn't be this close. When did Cisco look at him and want this? How long has Harry missed this reflection? He tries not to be distracted. He doesn’t need to know why this is the fantasy Dreamcatcher took Cisco to. Why this is a fantasy for Cisco at all. He just needs to get Cisco out.

Focus. He needs to focus.

They can discuss the origin of the dream when they’re both out. Harry can feel his heartbeat in his throat when he thinks of Cisco, lips bitten red with nerves when Harry asks how long he's been dreaming about this. When he thinks of Cisco smiling, admitting, _the_ _truth_ _is_ , _Harry_ -

He finds Cisco’s office easily enough. It’s right across from his own. Cisco Ramon Wells. Harry doesn't think about how right it looks.

Cisco isn’t there when Harry pushes inside, breakfast order in one hand, orange juice in the other. Caitlin is.

“Morning Harry,” she says. Her hair is still brown and her lab coat still reads M.D. She’s sitting on one side of Cisco’s desk, typing away at a laptop. “Barry’s running late, which I’m sure is a surprise to you. Cisco with you?”

Unsure of what else to do, Harry tells the truth. “He’s taking Jesse to school.”

“Aw.” Caitlin notices the bag and cup in his hands. She shakes her head. “Again, Harry? Are you ever going to learn?”

Harry frowns but can’t take offense. She’s a figment of Cisco’s imagination. This is all just a figment of Cisco’s imagination. He slams the food down on Cisco’s desk.

Cisco arrives. All of his earlier ire is forgotten when he sees that Harry brought him his order and Harry’s is reignited. He doesn’t even know why he stopped. The food isn’t real.

None of this is real.

-

They have a team meeting. This is a thing that happens in Cisco’s dream life, apparently often, especially since they found a flaw in the particle accelerator’s design and nearly blew it up. Luckily they caught it. Harry stopped it. Saved the day.

Harry tries to get his hands around Cisco’s shoulders and shake him awake. But Cisco keeps pacing the room and when Barry rolls out the accelerator schematics Harry’s breath goes a little shallow.

He may have dreamed for this before - may have ached for it. A life in which his ego had never taken hold, he hadn’t pushed himself - no explosion, no Zoom, none of the pain he wrought. Jesse wouldn’t have ended up becoming a meta any way - a hero. He never would have met Cisco.

The moment comes when they’re alone, finally, in late afternoon. Cisco hops on the desk in Harry’s office, Twizzler between his upturned lips. Harry wonders if they’re as warm as his skin. As sweet.

“So. You’ve been weird today. Want to tell me what’s going on now or be a passive aggressive dick until I make you tell me? Keep in mind we have that big meeting with Tina tomorrow.”

This is it. Harry opens his mouth. Ramon, a meta has you trapped in a dream. Wake up.

His tongue sticks. It feels dumb and dry and when he tries to speak, nothing happens.

Cisco sighs.

“Okay. I’ll wrestle it out of you later.” Cisco winks. Harry swallows around nothing. He watches Cisco slide off the desk only to slide back on a beat later. “This isn’t about Jesse’s driving test tomorrow, is it? You freaking out about her step towards independence and thinking she’s not going to need you anymore?”

“No,” Harry snaps. He’s not. He hadn’t been. He shakes his head and reminds himself this is stupid and fake and he needs to tell Cisco now. “I’m happy for her.”

“Oh you are not. You’re terrified she’s getting older. You were like this when she hit double digits and graduated 8th grade and went to her first dance.”

“It’s just a big step,” Harry says, repeating words he’d repeated to Jesse when she really was this age. Why can he say this and not tell Cisco to wake up. “I want her to be safe.”

Cisco’s smile softens, fond. He runs his fingers over Harry’s temple, impossibly gentle, and Harry can’t remember the last time someone touched him so easily.

“I know.” Cisco’s thumb drifts to the skin that feels stretched too thin over his cheekbones. Harry bites his tongue. That’s nothing he would be leaning into if he closed his eyes at the touch. Why can he feel it and not the urgency to wake Cisco up. “She knows. Everyone in Central City knows. Probably everyone in the rest of the world, too. It’s just driving, Harry. She’s gonna be fine.”

She’s not. She’s going to be in danger and break her own heart and push him out. Harry can’t tell Cisco the same way he can’t tell him this is all a dream. Something won’t let him.

Cisco drops a kiss on the top of his head and stands again, hand outstretched. “It’s time to pick Jesse up from school and I told her she could drive again. You know she always feels better with you in the passenger seat.”

She doesn’t. Harry knows that now. The scar on his chest pulls itchy and aching and he takes Cisco’s hand without thinking.

“Baby, come on.” Cisco rubs his hand between Harry’s shoulder blades. Harry feels lighter at the pressure. “It’s not that bad.”

-

Jesse drives home and only speeds through one red light. Harry lectures her about it. Cisco gives her tips about charming the driving instructor, a few jokes she can tell. None of them are appropriate and Harry laughs at every one.

Harry makes dinner. He doesn’t know why his feet move him into their kitchen and his brain doesn’t make him scream the words burning a hole in his chest. He cooks Jesse’s favorite lasagna, one of the only meals he knows because she took over feeding herself at eight. Cisco helps him by testing the sauce until Harry has to bat him away to prevent him from eating it all.

Over their meal, Harry tries. Jesse and Cisco compare their Earth’s Star Trek’s and Harry follows the conversation, half fascinated because it mirrors almost exactly the last conversation Harry witnessed them having. How does Dreamcatcher weave these dreams, he wonders. There’s enough reality morphed into fantasy that it feels as real as just waking up. Blurred and dull but enough to believe in.

They do dishes. Cisco flicks water and his head tips back with laughter, his throat open and buzzing. Harry watches the bob of his Adam’s apple. He forgets to rinse the soap off a plate. Cisco teases him and bumps their hips together.

Jesse pulls him outside to practice parallel parking. There’s no point in it, Harry knows there’s not, but he finds himself standing outside and directing her anyway. This had been the hardest for her to get down when she had learned to drive for real. Harry doesn’t want to relive it, wouldn’t have to if he could just march into the house and smack Cisco on the back of his head. Wake up.

The sky is dark when Harry realizes Dreamcatcher’s abilities must be impacting him too. Whatever electric pulses are keeping Cisco in the dream stasis must be blipping Harry’s subconscious, suppressing the synapses from firing and revealing what this world is. Harry just has to find a way to think past them.

He leaves Jesse and Cisco on the couch and goes to his workshop. He tries to write it down. Cisco, you’re in a dream. Cisco, you have to wake up. The pen shakes on the page. All he can write is Cisco’s name.

Harry doesn’t know how much time passes before Cisco slips inside. Cisco slides his arms around Harry’s neck, resting his chin on Harry’s shoulder.

“Writing me a love letter?”

“A Dear John.” Harry imagines the words rupturing from his chest and bubbling out, freeing Cisco from the meta’s hold. “I don’t think it’s going to work out between us.”

Cisco laughs and rubs his cheek against Harry’s like a cat. “Not using a break-up cube on me?”

“You said it was poor taste.”

“Come to bed.”

Harry flattens his hands on the desk. Focuses on how cool it is under his skin. He isn’t sure what he can and cannot do in Cisco’s dream world. What he can and cannot resist.

“Give me some time,” Harry says shakily. “I want to get a little further on this.”

Cisco’s face floats towards him, eyebrow raised. “Okay. Not really sure what this is. Want to elaborate?”

“No.” Harry means to say yes. He means to say wake up. “Not yet.”

“Well I’ll be in bed,” Cisco sighs. “I’ll wait up for you.”

Cisco says it low enough that Harry feels it at the base of his spine. He curls his toes when Cisco kisses his cheek again.

-

When Harry goes to bed, he’s no closer to figuring out how to tell Cisco what’s happening. Cisco is asleep. His arm is outstretched, resting on Harry’s pillow.

Harry doesn’t know what will happen if he falls asleep in Cisco’s dream world.

He slips in bed and presses against Cisco’s shoulder. Maybe if he can wake Cisco now, he’ll wake him up in reality.

But the bed is soft when Harry lays down fully. The sheets are soft, too, and cool. Cisco’s breathing lulls Harry’s eyes heavy.

-

Harry wakes in his own bed again. Cisco isn't at his side. Deja vu settles in. Will he have to live the same dream over and over until he can get them out?

Downstairs, there is no scent of warmth and comfort. Jesse is eating cereal at the table.

“Cisco said there was something at the lab. He didn't want to wake you or me to miss my test so he headed in early.” She takes another spoonful.

Harry tries to see her as a stranger. To peer through her into Cisco's dream and push his conscious through. But all he sees is Jesse, nerves and skinny knees, shoveling the bright sugar she always favored in bite after bite. She doesn't have speedster metabolism now. Yet.

The ache in Harry's stomach is real enough to have him sitting next to her and pouring a bowl of his own cereal.

“There's nothing to be nervous about, you know.”

“I'm not nervous,” she says, jostling his knee with hers. “But thanks, daddy.”

He tugs at her ponytail. He's missed things being this easy between them.

-

Cisco's dream Jesse passes her dream driving test with flying dream colors. Harry figures out he can't tell anyone that they're dreaming when he tries to tell a single dad next to him that this reality is fake.

He tries tapping out the message on his phone, but just like when he tried to type it on the laptop last night, his fingers just don't follow his brain’s direction. There has to be a way to make Cisco realize this isn't his life without telling him directly.

Harry contemplates it over celebratory lunch. Cisco is there with Caitlin, Barry, and the West’s - Wally is there and he smiles at Jesse like a friend, nothing more. They clink tea to her. Harry tries not to compare it to the small dinner they'd really had, just the two of them and take away pizza. Jesse seems happier at this celebration.

-

They caravan Jesse to school and leave her with the car. Harry and Cisco take the SUV to the labs.

“Why the SUV?” Harry doesn't mean to ask it out loud.

Cisco glances at him from the driver's seat with a frown. “You're the one who said we needed a family car. I wanted the corvette.”

“You're a little young for a midlife crisis car, aren't you, Ramon?”

“That joke wasn't funny the first time you told it.”

Harry tries to say he doesn't remember saying that. Can't get it out. The question worked, though. Maybe he's found a glitch in the system.

-

Harry tests his theory at the labs. He asks Cisco how long he's been running STAR and how long Cisco has worked there. Cisco assumes he's being snarky about something and says, forever, Harry.

Harry asks Caitlin how to make a Shirley Temple, hoping that a shake to one of Cisco's figments will shake him. When all Caitlin does is Google it, he asks Barry if he and Iris are married. Barry talks for nearly half a dream hour that feels like 24 real ones. Harry makes an excuse before Barry can show him honeymoon pictures.

He narrows his chances down to asking Cisco questions. It feels like progress.

He follows Cisco around the lab the last few hours of their day, asking questions any husband should know the answer to. When's your birthday? Where did you graduate from? What's your Big Belly Order? Harry knows all the answers in the waking world.

In Cisco's dream life, Harry is either a bad husband or Cisco has incredibly low standards. Cisco reminds Harry that he programmed all birthdays into Harry's AI. The Central City Tech reunion is still next month and yes, Harry still has to come with him. A triple triple and Powerade if he's running to get lunch.

Harry sits in line at Big Belly Burger and wrecks his useless brain. He doesn't know how long Cisco's been under or if being here too long will trap him indefinitely. Will trap both of them.

When he delivers food back to Cisco's office, Cisco kisses the side of his mouth instead of his cheek.

“You're the best babe.”

Harry presses his fingers to the place Cisco kissed as Cisco settles into his desk chair and digs in. They've been buzzing about so much today, yesterday. Harry remembers going days without holding Tess when they first got the labs up and running. He would've figured Cisco's fantasy would involve more affection.

There's a hammer where Harry's pulse beats. He tells himself it's a good thing Cisco's dream is PG.

Cisco offers him a fry but he shakes his head. Tries to shake it clear. Stick with the questions. Make Cisco realize something is wrong.

Harry swallows around a sudden lump of nerves. “When did we get married?”

Cisco slows his chewing and looks up. There's exhaustion in his face. “Harry, come on. I put our anniversary and the year on your calendar.”

“It doesn't seem odd to you that I don't remember? I have a didactic memory.”

“That doesn't work when it comes to days you're socially required to give me presents.”

Cisco says it casually, reaching for a fry. It makes no sense and it doesn't phase Cisco in the slightest. There are no red flags even though there should be. Whatever hold this meta has on Cisco's brain is deep enough to push him into complete denial.

“Where did we get married?”

“Did you have a stroke?” Cisco moves to stand in front of where Harry has been leaning against the desk. He puts his palm on Harry's forehead. “You don't have a fever. Do you feel dizzy or something?”

Harry soaks in the soft of Cisco's skin for one more second before pushing Cisco's hand away.

“I'm fine, Ramon. Where did we get married?”

“In our backyard, weirdo. What are you doing?”

Our backyard. Harry curls his fingers around the desk’s edge. What is it going to take to knock Cisco out of this dream?

“Don't you see something isn't right?” Harry asks, desperation shredding his head.

What does he have to do, why can't he think their way out of this, why can't he save Cisco? All he wants is to get back to the world where Cisco's dream is this life together. To the reality where Cisco's happiness is with him.

He slumps back and tugs at his own hair. There's a frenzy in his fingers. He wants to pull and yank and scream and wake Cisco up.

“Don't you feel it?”

“Hey, hey.” Cisco's voice is lullaby smooth and his hands cradle Harry's jaw. “What's wrong? You gotta tell me. What’re you talking about?”

Harry presses his hands against Cisco's. They feel solid. Like Cisco is touching him the way Cisco has always touched him. But Cisco's never done this. Won't ever do this if Harry doesn't get them out.

“You have to feel it,” Harry whispers. “Please, Ramon. Cisco. Think. Think - can you think about our wedding day?”

“Of course,” Cisco says with a breezy smile. “Happiest day of my life, despite the fact that my husband to be was the biggest bridezilla on the planet.”

Harry stops touching Cisco's hands. Somehow his fingers drift to press against Cisco's chest.

“What do you remember most?” Harry urges. Surely Cisco will remember this is off, will realize it's all off.

Cisco purses his lips in thought. “Let’s see. Either when you said you hated me less than everyone else besides your daughter or when you pretended not to cry when I read my vows to you and Jesse.”

That stops Harry like lead. “To me and Jesse?”

It's like Cisco doesn't hear him. Cisco strokes along his jaw and smiles.

“Is this about last year? Just because I found out about the surprise party before doesn't mean I wasn't surprised. Or that I didn't love it.”

Cisco kisses him on the side of the mouth again. Then the other side. Then the jaw. It's just a soft, warm press of lips but it's - it's been a long time since Harry has felt a mouth gentle on his skin. And it's Cisco.

He's breathing shallow and stupid when Cisco pulls back, grin lopsided.

“You know we have some time before Jesse gets home from school.” Cisco noses at Harry's dimple and Harry's stomach coils tight. “I could lock my office door. Show you my appreciation for bringing me lunch.”

Harry feels everything go honey. Slow and thick and too much to breathe around. Cisco should be more concerned. He's too distracted by Harry's skin. This isn't like Cisco, always curious, always sharp and eager to tear everything apart and look inside.

Cisco's lips brush his and Harry nearly jumps out of his skin. It's all so wrong. Cisco should be pushing, needling, digging into Harry with his clever tongue. Cisco should be -

“Come on, Harry,” Cisco whispers into his mouth. When did Harry open his mouth. “I missed you yesterday. Didn't you miss me?”

Harry's fingers curl into Cisco's shirt. “Yes.” He did, he always does.

Cisco kisses him. Really kisses him and Harry can't let him, has to stop him, this isn't real and it's wrong and -

Harry makes a hurt noise when Cisco presses closer. Because it does hurt. Cisco is so gentle Harry feels like he's going to shake apart at his feet.

It takes longer than it should for Harry to break their mouths apart.

“Baby, let me help you relax, make you feel good - “

Harry slides from the long, perfect line of Cisco's body. It still hurts.

“Not here,” Harry pants.

Cisco spreads his hands in surrender. “Sorry. I thought - you've never had a problem with it before.”

Harry has a moment of hope. Figure it out. Come on, Ramon. See it. Wake up.

“I'll keep it in my pants until we get home.” Cisco smiles and moves on, going back to his Big Belly Burger without another thought.

-

At dinner, Harry doesn’t ask anymore questions. Cisco does.

“So my mom called and said Dante dropped off the twins. She offered to watch them before the birthday party so he and Maria can have the night off. You wouldn’t want to help her out, would you Quick?”

“Babies!”

“Babies!” Cisco agrees, just as happily. He gives Harry a thumb’s up. Subtle, Ramon.

“Can I drive myself?”

“Sure.”

Harry slams his fork on the table. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jesse driving in the dark - Harry alone with Cisco. He doesn’t think it’s safe.

“Dad, I’ll be careful. I promise.”

“She promises, Harry.”

“And you know it always earns you bonus points when I hang with the in-laws.”

“So many points. My mom might actually buy you a Christmas present this year.”

“And I realized a couple years ago that you guys send me to Grandma Ramon’s when you want private time.”

“Private time, very important - um. Wait.”

Harry buries his face into his hands. His mind feels like jelly. He can’t keep hold of anything and the rest of Cisco’s dream world isn’t helping. Everything is silk wrapped and cool and he’s not getting any closer to getting out. He feels like he’s slipping further in.

“It’s fine,” Jesse assures them. “You guys are married.”

“Right. Exactly. And you have to be married to have private time.”

“So I’ll just go pack my bag.”

She rushes away. Harry wants to reach out for her. He can’t keep everything straight if she’s not by his side. It doesn’t make sense - she’s not Jesse, not his Quick - but when she hugs him goodbye it feels like saying goodbye to his daughter.

Harry watches her pull out of the driveway from the door. Cisco slides an arm around his waist, lays his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“They grow up so fast.”

Harry stares at a wet slick on the pavement. He tries not to breathe in the scent of Cisco’s hair.

“I got dessert.”

Cisco tugs him back to the table, smiling with a secret. Harry can barely hear Cisco’s words over the blood pounding in his ears.

He watches Cisco serve him a plate of chocolate cake. It looks so sweet Harry’s teeth ache. He vaguely recognizes it from Cisco’s favorite bakery.

His movements are water weighted. He eats and listens to Cisco tell him everything they’re bringing to his nieces’ birthday party, and that they might as well swing by the mall, and that the gutters need cleaning this weekend because somebody forgot to clean them last weekend. It’s almost funny, really. Cisco’s dream world is so simple. Kind.

Harry might be in denial about leaving it, too, if this were the world Dreamcatcher built for him.

Cisco wipes cake from his face. Cute. Harry looks away. “So. We just got the house alone for the night. I know, I know. I'm so smooth.”

“Like butter, Ramon.” Harry just says it, because why not. Nothing he says or doesn't say is going to get them any closer to getting out.

Cisco leans in, exhales against his neck. Harry tenses but Cisco doesn't seem to notice, pressing soft, open mouthed kisses to his skin. The same little mouth gnaws at Harry again. It doesn’t matter what he does here.

“What do you say we pick up where we left off on my desk on the kitchen table?”

No. Harry says no. Wants to. Will when his tongue starts working.

The fingertips that run through his hair feel real. Lazy and feathered but real. It’s not, Harry reminds himself, but everything is muddled by the smell of Cisco’s hair, his cologne. Harry takes a deep breath and realizes his eyes have closed. Their foreheads are pressed together. Cisco’s palm curls around his knee. Cisco’s fingers press into his thigh like Cisco’s knows where his muscles ache. Where his hunger is.

Cisco’s mouth is sweet. Cool. Harry gets lost in the science of cataloguing Cisco’s taste.

Pressure builds. He doesn’t know it’s origin point or how to stop it from flooding his bones and senses. Those strong fingers slide higher up his thigh and it’s so much easier to just let them, let Cisco touch him, instead of try to push him away. It feels so much better.

When Cisco pulls away from the kiss it’s with a pant. His pupils are blown wide and he licks Harry off his lips and smiles. Smirks. Harry’s never seen that look on Cisco’s face.

It’s enough to jostle him. “Wait,” Harry says, mouth feeling numb around the word. It’s a foreign language. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.

Cisco ignores him anyway. The ignoring isn’t anything new. But it feels wrong. Cisco’s mouth at his collarbone feels -

“I missed you,” Cisco says again.

Harry closes his eyes. Forces himself to open them. It’s harder to think with his eyes closed, to do anything more than feel. Everything feels good and gauzy like a pleasant dream.

“Ramon.” Wake up. Harry needs to - “You’re not - this isn’t right.”

“Mmm,” Cisco agrees, not stopping. Harry doesn’t want him to stop. Harry wants -

Harry flexes his fingers, curls them into his palms, and digs. Tries to anchor himself to the sting and let the pain on the surface drag him away from all the pain below it. Harry wants but it’s a familiar ache. All Harry does is want. He’s a canyon of it. He’s used to this, especially where Cisco is concerned. When did he get so weak?

Cisco nips at his earlobe and Harry gets his hands around Cisco’s shoulders. Both of them are breathing hard. Harry’s heart keeps trying to break his chest to get closer to Cisco’s own.

“Baby?” Cisco looks so soft as he tilts his head, narrows his eyes, watches Harry through gentle curls and concern. The care is real but the way he strokes Harry’s cheek isn’t. There’s no tease or bite. This isn’t how it would be between them.

Harry inhales like he’s just been pulled from the dark of the ocean. He scrambles to his feet. The distance between his weakness and Cisco’s scent clears his head a little. Enough to realize what’s going to happen if he doesn’t get more space. Cisco would forgive him for not being stronger, for giving into Cisco’s own fantasy. But Harry doesn’t want to be forgiven again.

“The labs.” Harry’s voice is a dry rasp and it’s pathetic to his own ears. “I need to go. I left my - my phone. And Jesse might call. So I need to go the labs.”

Cisco looks unconvinced and unimpressed. The familiarity of the expression lulls at Harry. He wants to drift back into Cisco’s body heat. He stays rooted.

“What are you talking about? Your phone is in your pocket. Why are you - ”

“I have to.” Harry bites at his cheek and the hurt steadies him. “I have to go. I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.”

He hears Cisco call for him as he scrambles to the SUV. He doesn’t look back.

-

Harry sits at his desk. He’s been looking for answers, for clues, for anything to jog an idea of how to claw out of this bright dream. A proposal from Mercury Labs distracted him, just for a bit. Cisco’s fantasy provided a detailed contract regarding a new project. Harry was just a little amazed and a little fascinated by the complexity of it. Not surprised. This is Cisco’s brain, after all. Cisco never skims the details.

He sets his glasses down with an angry sigh and presses his knuckles into his eyes. Think. Save the day. Save Ramon. Think. He can’t think. Cisco’s mouth is still in his throat. He doesn’t want to be alone in this office. Cisco is so close and so open and Harry’s so tired of thinking. Exhausted. His temples throb. Cisco could touch it better. Harry could just let him. Could just -

The hair on the nape of his neck stands. Goosebumps rise on his skin. Electric buzzes in the air, in his ears. Instinct drives Harry to reach for a weapon and he finds none. Blue waves wobble, sundering the world, and Harry’s body braces for impact as he watches a breach unfurl.

And Cisco steps out.

“Harry!” he says, throwing up his hands. He’s wrapped in his Vibe suit. Gauntlets. The goggles Harry made for him.

Harry exhales. Licks his lips and tries to think past the heart shock of seeing Cisco step out of the breach. It’s always a little terrifying. Part of Harry always expects a crackle of blue and lightening and horror to step out of the universal split. Always expects Zoom.

Then Harry’s brain unscrambles. He frowns. “There aren’t metas here.” In Cisco’s dream world, where the particle accelerator never exploded, where powers weren’t ripping up the city and its people.

Cisco surveys the rooms and nods to himself. “I don’t know why I didn’t check here first. A meta transports you into your very own Paradise Island and you’re at work. Of course.”

“What?” Cisco’s words don’t make sense. Cisco’s powers and Cisco’s stare don’t make sense. “I told you I was coming to the labs. How did you - since when can you breach?”

“Uh, since - you know what.” Cisco holds up his hands. “Not important. You won’t get it here, anyway. Can’t make sense in dreams because they don’t make sense.”

“What?”

“You’re dreaming. Harry, you have to wake up.”

“No.” Harry shakes his head, tries to explain. The meta attacked -

“ - you. And then you slipped in a coma. But I found you, so now I’m gonna take you home. All you have to do is realize you’re in a dream.”

Harry tries to comprehend what Cisco is telling him. He’s dreaming. He knows Cisco’s dreaming. Harry rubs at his eyes again.

“I know this is a dream,” Harry says.

Cisco claps his hand. “Good! That’s good! Now all we have to do is - huh.” He looks around, frowning. “When the other girl realized she was dreaming, we just kind of - poof. Poofed back into reality. No poofing seems to be happening.”

“How did you figure it out?” Harry asks. Was it Harry’s questions? The way Harry ran from Cisco’s touch? Did Harry save them? Why aren’t they saved?

“Oh. We just took the notes you’d been working on and combined them with all Caitlin’s research from the other subjects - and I kind of got stuck. Mad Hatter got me with a sneak attack, which was not cool. But my powers let me see it was a fantasy. I got out then had to vibe into the other victims - which is why I’m kind of late. Sorry dude. The longer you’re in the dream coma the harder it is to get out. And you’re kind of pushing your luck. Are you sure you know you’re in a dream?”

“Yes.” What does Cisco mean, his powers? Getting out? They’re still here.

“Okay.” Cisco licks his lips and waits. Crosses his arm. “Are you sure you’re sure?”

“Yes, Ramon. I saw the meta put you under. I’ve been trying to get you to wake up ever since I found you here. But I can’t tell you that you’re dreaming. How did you figure it out? And why haven’t you woken up?”

Cisco narrows his eyes. “What? Harry. This is your dream.”

“No. It’s yours.” Harry blinks and crosses his eyes trying to look at his mouth. How did he do that? He hasn’t been able to speak anything close to the truth this entire time.

Cisco rubs his temples. “Of course your dream world has it twisted. That’s actually pretty clever on the Mad Hatter’s part, I’ll give him that. Put you in the fantasy that has you playing hero while I play damsel. You’d never realize that was a dream. Damn he’s good.”

“Mad Hatter,” Harry repeats, because it’s the only part of Cisco’s speech that he can really process.

“That’s what you latch onto? I changed his name, okay. Dreamcatcher was not working. Which isn’t what we should be focusing on right now. What we need to focus on is waking you up.”

Harry stares. Cisco makes a frustrated noise.

“Listen to me. Harry. If this was my dream, why would you still be CEO of Star Labs?”

“Because I - you.” Harry tries to remember when he had the same question. “I don’t know. It’s your dream world.”

“No. In my dream world, this was Ramon Industries and I was the CEO. Also richest man in America. Doesn’t that sound more like a dream I would have?”

Harry thinks about the first time Cisco came to his Earth. How Cisco wondered where he was, what he did, and Harry knew it would hurt Cisco to learn about Reverb. Harry had kept his mouth shut.

“I don’t know,” Harry says and develops an itch somewhere below his skull. Something angry. He scratches at his scalp.

Cisco clenches his fists. It’s nerves and desperation and it’s all over his face, too.

“Harry. Come on. Use that big dumb brain of yours. There has to be something that seems out of place?” Everything. But that’s because it’s a dream, because Cisco won’t wake up. Isn’t it? Cisco wheels around him, looks down on him open and vulnerable. Harry grips the chair arms. “Look at me. It’s - me. The real me. I’m here to take you home.”

Home. That’s where Harry’s been trying to go this whole time. He can’t leave Cisco here, though. And Cisco is here.

A headache starts throbbing between his eyes. Then Cisco moves, reaching to touch his shoulder, and the pain implodes. Harry pushes his feet on the floor and rolls himself out of Cisco’s reach.

“Woah.” Cisco holds his hands up. “Sorry. Are you okay?”

That’s concern in Cisco’s face. Real concern. That’s the Cisco Harry knows. Not the one who doesn’t notice when Harry flinches.

It doesn’t make sense. If Cisco is real then Harry is the dream but Harry wouldn’t dream this. Harry wouldn’t -

“Trust me, Harry, please. We don’t have much time.”

“No,” Harry says. “This isn’t mine. This is you, Ramon, this is your - this is what you want.”

“I want you to come back with me. Back to the real world. We need you out there.”

Harry shakes his head again. “You don’t.”

“We do. And we want you. You’re family, remember?”

The room goes still. Cisco notes the change in the air. The breach wobbles back to life.

“Harry?”

And then Cisco is gone.

-

Harry runs two red lights on the way from the labs to the house. The door is unlocked. He sweeps it open to see Cisco sprawled on the couch, some television show blaring on the big screen. Cisco’s head pops over the cushions.

“Hey babe.”

Harry gets to Cisco in a few strides. He curls shaking fingers into Cisco’s shirt and Cisco grins up at him.

“Someone’s in a better mood.”

“You’re happy here,” Harry says.

Cisco touches his cheek. “Yeah.”

“This is what you want. This life. This family.” Harry closes his eyes. “Me.”

“Of course. I’m living the dream here, Harry. You back in it with me?”

Harry opens his eyes and kisses Cisco on the mouth. Cisco responds to him eagerly, bringing his other hand to curl around Harry’s neck. When Harry pulls away to breathe, Cisco sucks at his throat. One of Cisco’s palms slides over his chest.

Cisco whispers his name and Harry grounds a knee into the couch, balancing over Cisco, soaking up his body heat.

“Please, baby.” Cisco mouths at his jaw. “Come on, please.”

Harry’s body stills. He goes cold from the inside out. Please. Cisco doesn’t say please and mean it. Cisco’s never begged anywhere other than Harry’s dreams.

-

Harry is in the med bay cot.

He tries to sit up and feels a pinch in his arm. There’s a voice at his side.

“Easy Harry.” It’s Caitlin. Her hands flutter on his shoulders, pressing him back to the pillows.

“Where’s - ” Jesse. Cisco. “Where am I?”

“Home,” she says. She offers a watery smile and removes her hands. “You’re awake.”

She slides her phone from her pencil skirt. Harry watches her bring it to her ear. Everything seems brighter. It hurts his eyes.

“Iris? Harry’s up.”

Harry strains. He can pick up Iris’ voice, just barely.

“Thank God. I’ll let Barry and Cisco know.”

-

Once Harry is awake, really awake, coffee and solid food in his stomach and the pins worked out of his legs, it’s easy enough to piece it all together. Dreamcatcher - Mad Hatter - took Cisco down. Barry raced to his side and Mad Hatter took Harry down, too. Cisco got out of his dream by himself. It took Harry a little longer.

Simple.

None of them ask what he dreamed, but Cisco offers an exchange. Do you wanna talk about it? What it was like in there?

Harry doesn't. He can tell Cisco does. He says no.

There's only one thing he wants to know and he doesn't have the strength to ask. Do you want to go back as much as I do?

-

The fallout is a lot more painful than being in the dream itself. Nothing hurt there.

Harry doesn't want to sleep. Mad Hatter isn't on the loose anymore but Harry isn't sure the meta has been scrubbed completely. Judging by the bags under Cisco's eyes, he isn't either.

He feels sharp and sheepish all over. Sometimes when Cisco looks at him, he thinks Cisco knows. It makes Harry's heart beat too tight, clumsy in his chest.

-

The first time Harry really sleeps again, he dreams. He's living in a grocery store, kind of, and there's a lion that prowls the aisles. He chats with colleagues in the bakery. Joe and Iris wave at him. Jesse isn't there. Cisco isn't either.

When he wakes up, he's on Cisco's couch. He looks at the ceiling and it's all so ridiculous he presses his hands to his face to smother a laugh.

There was a time he wouldn't have been so easy to fool. Surely there was. A space and age he hasn't so readily believed Cisco would dream of him. Cisco said he was family, said he had a home, and Harry knew it was sincere the same way he knew Cisco didn't mean it the way Harry quietly wanted. He knew and let himself believe the fantasy anyway.

Harry turns to his side and breathes the scent of Cisco in the fabric. It tugs out the sense memory of a Cisco who never really existed. The smell of Cisco's cooking. His hair. His skin, miles of it Harry never touched.

-

Waking has come back to Harry almost completely. He doesn't daze into half sleep or wonder if that's really Caitlin frowning at him in concern anymore. Sleep is less of a threat.

He checks in with Jesse and doesn't tell her what happened. She doesn't want to talk about metas and missions and work. He doesn't have much else to offer. Their conversations are brief.

It wouldn't do anything to say the words out loud. Cisco was his husband and they ran STAR Labs and he hadn't destroyed lives and Jesse was still young, still human. It was just a dream. Nothing will make it real.

-

The first time he dreams of Jesse again, it's Cisco that wakes him up.

He's wrapped in a sheet, clawing at it, and Cisco helps untangle him until he's sitting upright and breathing heavy.

Cisco waits until he's inhaling evenly before asking. “Did you think you were back?”

“I told you I don't want to talk about it.” Harry rubs at his eyes until the black behind them throbs.

“I learned in group that repressing never helps.” Cisco pauses then touches his shoulder. His hand has weight to it. “It's not like I don't get what you're going through. I mean, we had our fantasy lives in the palms of our hands. We could've stayed.”

Harry's pulse jackhammers his bones. “Did you want to? Stay in the world Mad Hatter made for you?”

“No. I mean. Yeah. I wanted it to be real. I wanted…” Cisco leans back and pushes his hair behind his ears. Harry remembers pinning his heat to a couch. “Dante was alive.”

Harry nods, unsure of what comfort he can offer. If he can at all.

“I wasn't in it long, like I said. But I was at the labs. They were my labs and I had an assistant come in and go through my day. Maybe that was Mad Hatter’s way of summarizing all the perks to staying in his world. You run a company, you're on the cover of GQ as richest man in America, and your brother is having a baby shower. Why would I try to leave that?”

Harry doesn't know what Cisco expects or wants him to say. He almost asks what else, who else, was there. Was the rest of the team there? Was Cynthia? Was he?

The answers will hurt no matter what they are.

“This is the part where you share now.”

“Pass.”

“Nope. Sorry. This is a no passing game.” When Harry doesn’t speak, Cisco huffs. “You have to talk about things. That’s part of having a real life, you know. Talking about real things with your real friends.”

Harry grinds his teeth. He waits for Cisco to let it go. Cisco watches him, expectant. He resists the urge to roll his eyes and ignores the twitch in his thighs telling him to run. Hide. Cisco hasn’t asked for much since he took Harry into his home. And maybe he’s right. He knows more about living than Harry.

“I was still running STAR Labs.” It’s easy enough to admit. Cisco nods his head encouragingly. “The accelerator never exploded. I stopped it. There were no meta’s, no - none of the mess that comes with meta’s.”

The words won’t stop. Now that Harry’s opened his mouth he can’t wire it back shut.

“Zoom never existed. Jesse never got hurt. She was safe. And happy. And younger. About fifteen. I was teaching - she was learning how to drive. Everything was easy. Good.”

There’s no point in mentioning Cisco’s role in the fantasy.

Cisco blinks at him. “Bruh. That’s heavy.”

Harry plucks his glasses from the coffee table. This is pointless. He might as well stand and stretch and do something productive.

“Hey.” Cisco brushes his shoulder. “So Mad Hatter showed us both what if’s. That’s the most dangerous kind of hypothetical, you know. Of course we got sucked in.”

“You didn’t,” Harry says. Cisco hadn’t been tricked like Harry. Hadn’t been so willingly blind.

“My powers made it a lot harder for him to keep me there. It’s not like I wasn’t tempted. I knew it wasn’t quite right but I thought.” Cisco swallows like the words are barbed. “If Dante is alive, if everyone I love is safe, maybe I should just… let them be. Maybe wherever I was wasn’t so bad.”

Cisco avoids his eyes. Harry wants to comfort the obvious ache. His fingers flex but he doesn’t put them on Cisco’s heat.

“Yeah,” is as much as Harry can offer.

“But this is better. Because it’s the real world. And those dreams… They were all the past, Harry. Things that happened and things we can’t change. Here we can make the lives we want.”

Harry’s own throat burns. “Maybe.”

“You should tell Jesse about this, you know. Talk to her.”

“She doesn’t want to talk about work. She made that pretty clear.”

“This isn’t work. This is your life, man. And she wants you to live it like she wants to live hers. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you in it.”

Harry narrows his eyes. “She literally voted me out of it, Ramon.”

“She voted you out of her superhero team. You’re still her dad.”

Cisco almost has a point. Harry looks away.

“Come on. I can’t get back to sleep.”

The abrupt change eases some of Harry’s tension. Cisco slips off the touch and pads to the door where he keeps his gym sneakers and coats.

“Where are we going?” Harry asks, following before Cisco answers.

-

A few days pass. Jesse calls and texts and Harry doesn’t know if he can tell her. If he should. Cisco doesn’t press.

He dreams of her again, though, and the next morning he dials her number.

“Do you remember when I was teaching you to drive?”

“Dad.” Harry isn't nostalgic often. Not out loud. He usually invokes her childhood as a reminder, a push.

“That was the last time you needed me.”

She's silent for several breaths. Harry thinks she might hang up, might interpret the words as a ploy instead of the admittance it is, the acknowledgment that she doesn't need him now.

“Isn't it better this way?” she finally asks. “You don't have to worry. I know, of course you worry but - you can have your own life too. I can take care of myself now.”

His own life. It's funny, actually. “Ramon said the same thing.”

“You always did say he was brilliant.” Harry doesn’t think he’s ever used the word brilliant. Maybe. “How is that going? Having your own life, I mean. Is it good?”

He grips the phone tighter. In ways. Sometimes. It's still hard to fit but it's getting easier. Like he belongs there, finally - like he can let himself. “Yes.”

“Are you bossing them all around?” There's a little smile in her voice.

It's not the same as the laugh in his dream.

“Iris is, actually. Mostly Barry.”

She does laugh, then, and it’s better than his dream. He missed her. He misses her so much.

There's a voice in the background. Jesse and the Quicks. “I gotta go, dad. But it was good to hear from you.”

Harry isn't ready to let her go. “Yeah.”

“I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Be safe.” He tries not to say it, not to show his worry.

She sighs, but it's not totally in annoyance. “I promise. I love you, dad.”

“You too, Jesse Quick.”

-

“I talked to Jesse.”

“You told her what happened?”

“Not exactly.” Not at all. “But she did say she wants me to have my own life. That doesn’t revolve around her.”

“That’s good. You have her blessing to stop being a broody mess. We should celebrate. With laser tag.”

“I told you I’m not - ”

“Laser tag! I’ll assemble the team.”

-

It’s ridiculous, at first. Everything in the arena is too bright and too loud. Surreal and sharp, like a dream. Harry tries not to think about it.

He’s too old to play against children but the first time a kid hits him with a triumphant smirk something in him ruffles. Cisco gives him a lecture and even Caitlin shakes her head.

The guns are easy enough to rig. Harry saves the day at the last minute. By the grins Cisco and Caitlin sport, it’s like he rescued them from the latest meta. He tries not to smile as goofy back.

“Our hero,” Caitlin calls him. Cisco claps him on the shoulder. His touch isn’t as warm as it was in Harry’s dream but it’s real. Better. Like Cisco said.

In the concession line, Joe stands with him.

“It’s good to see you out here. Bonding with the team.”

Harry nods. Maybe he should suggest this to Jesse. Or not. She might see it as him pushing, interfering.

There’s laughter from the benches. Cisco is grinning light as sunshine and Caitlin is next to him, sharing the smile. Iris and Barry are tangled up in each other.

“Does it,” Harry starts to ask, pulls back. Can he ask this? His kid broke Joe’s kid’s heart. He doesn’t know that Joe holds it against him, but if there circumstances were flipped, Harry might.

“What?”

“Does it ever get easier. Watching them grow up. Not need you anymore.”

“Easier.” Harry watches Joe weight it out in his head. “I don’t know. It’s better. Seeing them grow. Become good people who try to do the right thing. Makes me feel like I did something right. That’s never a bad thing.”

-

Harry doesn’t suggest laser tag for Team Quick, but he does tell her about it. That he helped them win. That Cisco told a child to suck it.

He starts looking for his own place. It’s complicated for too many reasons to keep sleeping on Cisco’s couch, wrapped up in Cisco’s scent. He’s never lived on his own before, though, and part of him isn’t eager to give up seeing Cisco’s stupid action figures first thing in the morning.

Dreams come and don’t. Eventually he stops waking up and not knowing where he is.

Jesse’s question echoes in his head. Is it good? It’s not his fantasy world. It’s not the life that he imagines. Maybe he hasn’t earned that. Maybe he never will.

There is happiness in this world, though. And Cisco was right. It’s better here. It’s real.

-

Cisco’s aunt finds him a place. It’s a little rent house not far from the labs or Cisco’s apartment. Iris and Cisco take over decorating like he’s not really there, but at least listen when he protests the herb garden.

On moving day, Cisco breaches his few boxes and they all help him unpack. He’s apparently required to provide dinner in exchange. He orders pizza from Key City. Barry speeds it to them.

Eventually, he and Cisco end up alone. They’re on the couch while Iris gives the tour of his house. Cisco pats his full stomach and offers Harry a lazy smile.

“Are you gonna invite Jesse over?”

“Eventually.” He knows she won’t say no, but he hesitated the last time they spoke. He can give it a little more time. It’s not like he’s going anywhere. It’s not like he wants to.

“I’m glad you found this place,” Cisco says, gentle. Sincere. “I’m glad you decided to stay with us.”

“Yeah,” Harry says, and means it. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to get out some of my current canon related Harrisco and Wells Family feels. Pining Harry is my current and all consuming mood. Also I was listening to the Lana Del Rey cover of this song a lot while writing so. There ya go. 
> 
> Thank you very much to darknessandterrorandkittens for being my beta and director! <333


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